Oh, why don't I want to write?

bright side
got a job, can live off something other than red beans, rice, and oatmeal
leaving joe and pedro's apartment very soon
I'm going to be in an independent short film, will be in sxsw and sundance

dark side
my bird died
my dog, bear, is going to die in the next month
weed ruins everything

That's about it, I think. Not too bad of a week.

Austin American-Statesman: http://www.legacy.com/Statesman/Obituaries.asp?page=lifestory&personid=126518183
Sista Irie's Conscious Party, radio: http://www.consciousparty.com/forum/public/index.cgi?noframes;read=38794
Austin 360: http://www.austin360.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/music/entries/2009/04/22/wallace_hammond_1947_2009.html
R.J. Johnson: http://music4lifedjs.blogspot.com/2009/04/wallace-hammond.html
Unsure: http://aethyrflux.livejournal.com/179927.html?view=994519#t994519
Opelousas - Daily World: http://www.dailyworld.com/apps/pbcs.dll/dclassifieds?Dato=20090424&Kategori=OBITUARY&Class=30&Type=CAT30200&Lopenr=904000152&Selected=9
The Memorial service program:
http://docs.google.com/gview?a=v&attid=0.1&thid=120cb1e8084f2b10&mt=application%2Fpdf&pli=1

My dad died today. Last night. Heart failure.

And, it feels like I should've done something to stop it from coming to this, Elijah.
But, it's doubtful I could've done anything.

I've puked in my mouth twice since last night and have had the unexplainable urge to expel whatever is in my stomach. I was feeling very morose and shit, and planned to smoked with (!) Josh in a couple minutes to help... But, I got on Facebook and saw all the shadows and became happier--I friended my brother yesterday! I put on TV on the Radio's Dear Science, listened to Shout Me Out and Lover's Day... It doesn't feel that bad anymore, almost like I did it to myself. The biological nature of humans is crazy, especially how our mental works upon it.

Well, I'm still going to smoke with (!) Josh, but I'm going to quit again after that, too.

Love and peace!

so, my first cohesive jot-down of my thoughts on the educational system. I prefer this topic, much more than the philosophical free will topic, because this feels within my abilities right now. before this, I only had about thirty randoms notes written on different books and pieces of paper, so this isn't a draft or anything. more, an outline; that's why it is so haphazard.
---

Education Reform Essay

The problem: the current standard educational institution poses to be accountable for the knowledge of its students, but is not truly representative of the knowledge gained. Grade point averages, a tool to help the growth of a student, are acceptably damnable; because of this, focus on grade points—with them becoming the ends, rather than the means, to a prosperous learning—emphasizes survival based on grade point average; thus, promoting rote memorization, rather than critical thinking, cheating, rather than dialectic growth, and enfranchisement in short-term effects to the long term detriment of society and the individual.

Topics:

why did this occur? much like other goods and commodities, the university is on the purchasing table in modern America, and because of this, a free market system would allow responsiveness to occur. but, also, in an attempt to socialize the institution of education, legalism created a situation where stability and consistency could be measured and understood—sadly, the combination of these traits have created a depressing situation: a supply-controlled market for education that has stagnated into consistency that, by my opinion, is undesirable. (a historical account of the educational institution in America may help in understanding the situation)

focus on the issues:

the grade point average, its current service and its intended purpose (I suppose from my understanding of learning).

why switching the representation of knowledge and the actualization of knowledge is detrimental: understanding physiological and psychological behavior, if people are led to believe that survival comes from college they will pursue it (which is part of why the university is so entrenched); likewise, if the goal towards survival is achieving a high GPA (under the implicit thought that this will create self-knowledge), they will pursue it.

(anecdotal interviews with students go here, I guess…)

why does this not work out?

with an understanding of what representation means, one can understand why. That which is represented, say the knowledge of a student, cannot be adequately reflected in the representation, because it is its own independent, accountable unit. soon, it all gets lost.(I’ll explain more later, I’m just noting that inherently representation will falter under a certain situation…)

WHAT’S THAT SITUATION?

a grade point is quantitative, an exercise in the human imagination to rigorously fit qualitative knowledge into a numerical understanding.

so, what are the effects of representation:

descriptive analysis of why critical thinking is hindered (rote memorization), honesty can often be secondary (cheating), stress is unecessarily created...

another addition: the stagnancy of the educational system will eventually bite us, no matter what--the momentum we are caught up in, the post-modern era and beyond, is moving, growing, shaking more than most people acknowledge. if we continue to be conservative during future shock, we will not be able to adapt to our situations. this is a two-fold problem for education, for as we allow our institution to stagnate, it will fail to need global expectations of knowledge and our students' ability to adapt to our environs. whether revolutionary or soigne, change is necessary, more so than ever. but, that change must be calculated to our benefit--it isn't a hasty movement, but requires thought and tact. this is an introduction to the Third Way (if I may paint my essay fascist), not the storm. let's think about our integration of the educational institution towards the future strongly. critically.

solutions: demand-side pushes towards alternative colleges, government-related changes to the educational institution, and my favorite, an actualization of the future, with knowledge being unrestrained to the the institution, and knowledge being representative of itself. empiricism.

sources, or to-be:

Wha-Ja-Get?

An Introduction to Educational Futurism (at my house, need to get)

(for now I'll call you) time
---
You move, I move
--but can we stop?
You move, I die,
my heart was your crop;
never a giant,
yet sustenance driven,
you fed all the children
on our dust that you'd given.

tied to the land,
but not to the soil,
two angry ghosts
dance only to be loyal--
the cyclical way,
caught by long river flow,
my pores, drenched, for universal goal,
soon flooded, my senses; under, I go.

then, resigned--
was this a mistake of fate?
oh, mistake?
no; just a happening of late,
an ephemeral dream
with demeter's kiss quelling sighs;
veiled, for sanity, for an illusion not awry,
yet, in finality, truth--I was grown to die.

Oh, I forgot to mention. I'm planning on dropping out, too. I forgot to say that a while back, but I decided about two weeks ago. I probably won't explain myself right now, but I'll be thorough when I am. I'm not too silly.

It's been a good day.

I'm in new orleans
and this is shitty.

Right now, we're at our friend's brother's place--it is 6:17a. I've slept possibly two and a half hours without any cover, freezing. Right now, my only desire, other than escape this current state of affairs, is to smoke a cigarette. I have no lighter.

That's it. I wish there was more to say, like wax on about stone moss, or the enjjjjoyability of New Orleans, or the travelling over here--no. Right now fucking blows, and I bet today will run in tandem.

I haven't had time to write, but I'll pop off a bit.

So, Thursday, I drive back to Houston with Stephanie--worst ride ever. I doubt we're going to be as friendly as we were ever again; I just can't take the high maintenance personality. That night I hang out with Koonce, Seth, and Mitchell and smoke a bit.

Friday, we have a cocaine night at Koonce's house, but the white was cut up bad. It was David, David, Me, Mitchell, Seth, Buck, Liz, and Rambo (It's a girl).

Saturday, David, David, and I steal some DXM and chug. After a while, I decide to leave and go to Andrew's house, where a bunch of the guys are sippin' on lean. I just chill there, sipping on some lean and smoking with Andrew, Mike, Nick, D. Brock, Eddie, and Mendoza.

When I came back, I found out quickly that the Davids don't like hanging out with the other group, and the other group is indifferent; they never hang out anymore, which is sad. I would say more, but satellites are always flying.

Monday back in Austin, I think we just smoke and run around. Me, Delainey, Justin, Mason, Scott, Russell, Andrew, Nick, and Howard all go over to DeMaio's house to swim, drink, and smoke. Now, DeMaio's family has a net worth over $200 million. This is a nice house. I talk to DeMaio and he says that he can get any drug I want. I'm getting some quaaludes. Either way, we had fun.

Yesterday, I worked on Sociology for about four hours. After that, I went to the hookah bar and met up with Delainey, Justin, Mason, Russell (Justin's brother), Nick and Andrew Hack. After that, we went to the park and smoked a couple of bowls and saw Pineapple Express at twelve. Pretty funny movie, but it was the fact that everyone else in the theatre was in the same state as you that entertained me the most. After that, Nick, Hack, Scott, and I went to the top of Kinsolving and smoked.

Only two weeks of school left... Then, I start the real academic year. I'm going to get a job, no doubt, if only to make a point. I think that I have a secure place as a frontman with a group, so I need to start practicing singing again. I hate dorms. I don't like how strange my room mate is... I like love. Wish I had it again. Fluorescent lights will never make you feel heavy, but they'll never make you feel full either. This is Twitteresque. Battery is about to die, I'm just going to post this!

Interestingly enough, today is the date of the last post I made before I made my journal private. Uh, cheers!